So You are Retired but You Can't spend your Money
I’ve seen it time and again: folks who’ve spent their lives pinching pennies, building a tidy nest egg, only to clutch it tighter than a drum when it’s time to actually enjoy it. My former Sales Coach, for example, told me he can’t get his sister-in-law and her husband to take a family trip. They’re 75, sitting on a cool $2 million in savings—enough to live comfortably for decades.
“We invited them on a bucket-list trip to Moab, a $10,000 adventure to soak in red rock vistas and make memories. Their response? A flat “no.” Why? A $2,000 home repair was looming, and they needed to “conserve.” For what, exactly? Another rainy day that might never come?”
I was asked to write an article about this theme - retirees who can not spend when they have the wealth to do so. I share this psychology so it is close to my heart.
This isn’t just my in-laws. It’s a pattern. People who’ve saved diligently—sacrificing small joys, skipping vacations, buying the off-brand cereal—hit retirement and can’t flip the switch. They’ve wired their brains for scarcity, not abundance. The fear of running out, of not having enough, lingers like a ghost, even when their bank accounts scream security.
Andrew Wilkinson, the entrepreneur behind Tiny, nails this mindset in his candid takes on wealth. He’s written about how money can become a trap, not a tool. You grind, you save, you amass—and then you’re paralyzed, unable to spend on what matters because you’re still playing defense. My Sales Coach’s in-laws aren’t worried about the $10,000 for Moab; they’re worried about the idea of spending. That $2,000 repair isn’t the issue—it’s a symbol of every “what if” they’ve ever imagined. What if the market crashes? What if they need a new roof? What if, what if, what if.
Here’s the kicker: this isn’t about logic. It’s psychology. Decades of saving form habits that are hard to break. Spending, even on something as life-affirming as a trip with family, feels like a betrayal of the discipline that got them there. Wilkinson’s talked about this with his own journey—how building wealth can make you obsessive, not free. You start seeing every dollar spent as a dollar lost, not a dollar traded for joy, experiences, or connection. The data backs this up. A 2023 study from the Employee Benefit Research Institute found that retirees with over $2 million in savings often spend less annually than those with half as much. Why? Fear of outliving their money, even when the math says it’s impossible. My Sales Coach’s in-laws could spend $50,000 a year on top of their current lifestyle and still not dent their principal. But try telling that to someone who’s spent 50 years equating spending with danger.
So, how do you break the cycle? It’s not easy. Wilkinson’s approach—focus on what money can do for you, not what it is—is a start. For Bill’s in-laws, I’d love to see them reframe that Moab trip not as a $10,000 expense, but as a chance to laugh with their kids, feel the desert sun, and make stories they’ll carry to the end. It’s about shifting from a mindset of “saving for later” to “living for now.” Start small. Budget for joy—whether it’s a trip, a nice dinner, or a gift for someone you love. Set a “fun fund” and commit to spending it, no guilt allowed.
Talk to a financial advisor to run the numbers and prove you won’t end up destitute. For Bill’s in-laws, he could show them the math: their $2 million, conservatively invested, could throw off $80,000 a year without touching the principal. Moab’s a drop in the bucket. Life’s short, especially at 75. Money’s a tool, not a trophy. Don’t let it keep you from the views in Moab—or whatever your version of that is. Because if you’re saving for a “what if” that never comes, you’re not saving. You’re just missing out.
Jacoline Loewen is an UHNW Relationship Manager in wealth management and an author who helps people navigate the emotional and practical sides of money. Follow her for more no-nonsense takes on building a life you love, not just a bank account.