There’s a unique energy in the room when a family gathers for the first time to discuss their wealth. It’s a blend of anticipation, curiosity, and, yes, a touch of awkwardness. There is also skepticism and even anger. As a family member and also a professional facilitator for these inaugural family meetings, I’ve experienced this dynamic time and again.

Each meeting is a fresh canvas, a chance for a family to begin a transformative conversation about their shared financial legacy. These initial gatherings plant a seed—one that families, or their advisors, can nurture in future meetings.

These meetings are special because they mark a family’s first step toward openly discussing their wealth. There’s an undeniable excitement in this novelty, but it’s often accompanied by mild anxiety. Will everyone get along? Will sensitive topics derail the conversation? These concerns are natural, yet I’ve found that families who take the leap to hold that first meeting are almost guaranteed to schedule a second, third, and even fourth. There’s something magnetic about starting this dialogue—it’s as if the act of gathering unlocks a desire to keep the conversation going.

Why do some families hesitate to gather while others embrace it. Families who show up for these meetings are, in a sense, self-selecting. They’re ready to confront the complexities of their relationships and their wealth, even if they don’t fully realize it yet.

Setting the Stage for Success

As a facilitator, my job is to create a safe, structured environment where every voice is heard. The agenda for a first family wealth meeting is deliberately simple. We might start by discussing the family’s values—what matters most to them as individuals and as a unit? From there, we explore their goals for their wealth. Is it about preserving a legacy, funding education, supporting philanthropy, or something else entirely? These conversations lay the groundwork for deeper discussions in future meetings, such as estate planning or governance structures.

The awkwardness that often accompanies these first meetings tends to dissipate as family members realize they’re not alone in their uncertainties. I’ve seen siblings discover shared values they never knew they had, and parents gain new insights into their children’s aspirations. The advisor plays a crucial role here, acting as a steady guide who can translate financial complexities into meaningful dialogue. When advisors witness the power of these facilitated discussions, many are inspired to take on the role themselves. For those who find facilitation isn’t their strength, they often engage a professional facilitator for future meetings—a testament to the value these gatherings bring.

Why It Matters

The first family wealth meeting is more than a discussion about money; it’s a step toward building stronger family connections and a shared sense of purpose. Wealth can be a source of tension, but it can also be a catalyst for unity when approached with intention. Families who commit to this process often find that their conversations evolve over time, growing richer and more strategic with each meeting.

For advisors, facilitating or supporting these meetings is an opportunity to deepen client relationships and demonstrate their value beyond portfolio management. For families, it’s a chance to align their wealth with their values and create a legacy that reflects who they are. And for me, as a one-time facilitator, it’s a privilege to witness the spark of that first conversation—a spark that ignites a journey of discovery and connection.If you’re an advisor or a family considering a first wealth meeting, take the leap. The awkwardness will fade, but the clarity and connection you gain will endure. And who knows? That first meeting might just be the start of a tradition that shapes your family’s future for generations to come.