How to Actually Grow Your Real Wealth

By Jacoline Loewen

So, how do you build this qualitative wealth? It’s not about throwing cash at therapists or scheduling awkward family retreats (though those can help). It’s about intentional, consistent effort. Here’s what I suggest, with a few of my practices I have observed from wealthy Canadian families sprinkled in:

Human Capital

  • Support individual flourishing. Make sure every family member has access to great healthcare—mental and physical. If someone’s struggling with addiction or illness, don’t sweep it under the rug. Get them help.

  • Encourage identity outside wealth. Your kids aren’t just “heirs.” Push them to find their own path—whether that’s art, tech, or flipping burgers. Their sense of self shouldn’t be tied to the family bank account.

  • Go global. The world’s small now. Encourage your family to live, work, or travel in different corners of it. It builds resilience and perspective.

Legacy Capital

  • Share your stories. Not just the wins—the failures, too. My grandpa used to tell me about the time he lost everything in a bad deal, then clawed his way back. Those stories shaped me more than any trust fund could.

  • Clarify values. Sit down and talk about what matters to each of you. Where do you overlap? Where do you differ? Respect both.

  • Honor traditions (but don’t cling to them). Keep the ones that spark joy, ditch the ones that feel like a chore.Family Relationship Capital

    • Hold regular family meetings. Not to talk about investments, but to talk about you. Hire a facilitator if you need to. Learn how each person communicates—some of us are direct, others beat around the bush. Figure out how to mesh.

    • Include spouses. They’re not outsiders—they’re raising the next generation. Get their perspectives, even if it feels awkward at first.

    • Fix trust issues. If there’s tension, don’t ignore it. Bring in a counselor to help you work through it. It’s cheaper than a family feud.

    Structural Capital

    • Demystify the legal stuff. Make sure everyone understands the trusts, partnerships, and governance structures—at their level. Clarity kills confusion.

    • Educate, don’t dictate. Bring in advisors to teach, not just manage. I’ve seen families transformed when the kids actually get how the family office works.

    • Plan for leadership. Not everyone wants to be the next CEO, but identify who’s got the spark and train them up.

    Social Capital

    • Give back, at every age. Even the youngest kids can learn the joy of helping others. Make it part of your family DNA.

    • Empower philanthropy. Let each family member choose causes they care about. It’s not just about writing checks—it’s about impact.

    • End with gratitude. Try this: at every family gathering, have everyone share one thing they’re thankful for. Sounds cheesy, works like magic.

    The Money Taboo

    Here’s where it gets tricky: financial capital. I’ve seen in my own life—families hate talking about money. It’s the last taboo. Some of it’s embarrassment—people feel uneducated or disempowered. Some of it’s fear—talking about wealth can make you a target, even within your own family. I’ve had friends who’ve been burned by relatives who saw them as walking ATMs.

    But silence has a cost. If you can’t talk about money productively, you’re setting yourself up for mistrust, bad decisions, and fractured relationships. The book’s advice? Create safe spaces to talk about it. Not to obsess over it, but to use it as a tool to fuel the other four capitals. Money’s not the goal—it’s the enabler.

    Measuring What Matters

    Here’s a wild idea: what if you tracked your qualitative wealth the way you track your portfolio? Most families don’t. They’ve got quarterly reports for their investments, but nothing for their human, legacy, or social capital. No wonder so many families flounder.

    The book suggests a system called Family Qualitative Capital Management. It’s like a balance sheet for your family’s well-being. Every year, each family member spends 20-30 minutes answering questions about their health, relationships, values, and community ties. The results get rolled into a report that shows your strengths and weaknesses. Then, you meet as a family, make a plan to improve, and check in twice a year to see how you’re doing.

    It’s not rocket science, but it’s powerful. Imagine knowing—not guessing—where your family’s at. Are your relationships strong? Is your legacy clear? Are you giving back enough? This kind of clarity is what separates families that thrive from those that just coast.

    The Investment That Pays Forever

    One last thought. Compare what you spend on managing your financial capital—advisors, lawyers, accountants—to what you invest in your qualitative capital. Most families spend a fortune on the former and pennies on the latter. Flip that. Investing in your family’s well-being—through time, energy, and yes, some money—is the ultimate impact investment. It’s not just about preserving wealth for the next generation. It’s about building a family that’s healthy, connected, and purposeful.

    I think about my friend at the diner who sold his company for a significant portion and is now battling to speak with his family. He’s got the money part figured out. But if he wants his family to be truly rich—not just sometimes have money—he’s got to start investing in the other stuff. The human stuff. The legacy stuff. The stuff that makes life worth living.

    So, what about you? What kind of wealth are you chasing for your family? And how are you going to measure it?