By Jacoline Loewen

I was sitting at a diner with a friend the other day, talking about family. He’s got a big one—three kids, a sprawling extended clan, and a decent chunk of money to his name. He was stressing about how to keep it all together. Not the family, mind you—the money. “How do I make sure it stays in the family?” he asked, like it was the only thing that mattered.

I get it. The world’s built an entire industry around this idea: preserve the cash, lock it up tight, pass it down like a sacred heirloom. Advisors, lawyers, trusts, family offices—all designed to keep the dollars from slipping away. But here’s the thing: they’re missing the point. Money isn’t the goal. It’s a tool. The real wealth? It’s your family’s well-being. And no, I’m not talking about some touchy-feely nonsense. I’m talking about the stuff that makes a family thrive for generations—human capital, legacy, relationships, structure, and social impact. That’s the wealth that matters.

Let me break it down.The Five Kinds of Wealth You’re Probably Ignoring

The book Complete Family Wealth by James Hughes (which I’ve been diving into lately) nails this. It says families have five types of capital, and only one of them is money. The other four? They’re the qualitative stuff—harder to measure, but way more important. Here’s the lineup:

Human Capital: This is your people. Their health, happiness, and ability to find purpose. Are your kids growing into adults who know who they are, apart from the family fortune? Are you supporting their mental and physical well-being? That’s human capital.
Legacy Capital: Your family’s values, stories, and shared purpose. It’s the “brand” of your family—what makes you distinct. Think of the traditions you cherish, the failures you’ve overcome, the history that binds you. That’s legacy.
Family Relationship Capital: Can your family talk—really talk? Not just about who’s hosting Thanksgiving, but about the big stuff: values, fears, dreams. Strong communication across generations is the glue that holds a family together.
Structural Capital: If you’ve got wealth or a family business, you’re probably tangled in trusts, partnerships, and legal setups. Structural capital is understanding that maze and navigating it without losing your mind—or your family’s unity.
Social Capital: This is your family’s connection to the world beyond itself. It’s the joy of giving back, the strength you draw from serving your community. Families that invest here don’t just survive—they make a dent in the universe.

Boats at Friday Harbour, My Watercolour Painting.

And then, yes, there’s Financial Capital. The cash, stocks, real estate. It’s important—don’t get me wrong. It funds healthcare, education, philanthropy, and the time to sit down and figure out what matters. But it’s only one-fifth of the equation. And it’s the least important when it comes to happiness.